What on earth is tantric massage?

Everybody loves a tantric massage. Everybody is claiming they can give a tantric massage. Google the term 'tantric massage' and you get numerous long, flowery descriptions that say very little. One website says, "A Tantric massage should not encourage you to think about the masseuse but about the divine energy moving through you, about connecting with your higher self, about raising your frequency into more refined vibrations, to balance the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems. Tantric massages can help you strengthen, widen, clear, and feel the central channel of energy running through the body when the left and right subtle channels are balanced enough to allow that to occur."
 
Gee. Hope it cures cancer as well! (hint: it doesn't)
 
I am a fully trained and accredited tantric therapist, and still I struggle to describe what a genuine tantric massage should be like. I suppose I could give you a step by step description of my tantric massage procedure, like some people do, but to do so will be to take the magic out of it. 
 
Can you describe exactly what LOVE is? We all know the effect of love, but what is love itself? This is exactly like defining tantra. I want to tell you what my tantric massage is like, but I am out of words. Tantra, like love, is not for talking about. You must experience them.
 
My tantric massage is similar to this (because we are from the same lineage), except I will not be nude and that this woman is much more beautiful than I am.... This step-by-step description, also from the same organisation, is also close to my tantric massage. Once again, no nudity for me, and I probably won't do all the steps decribed there. The exact ingredients of my massage depend on our connection. We are human beings, right?
 
During my tantric massage, you will notice that I breathe heavily and audibly. What I am doing is tantric breathing exercise, and I do that in order to make sure I connect my energy fully with you. You are welcome to follow me. Here is how you do it. Please do it daily on your own, as it is very good for your sexual health.
 
Who doesn't love a good release in the end of a good massage? I'd love to give you one. But please let go of the idea of ejaculation. It is not necessarily the inevitable outcome of my tantric massage (Gary, see?). There are many different types of orgasms in men, and ejaculation is probably the lowest level of orgasm. Here is the explanation. During my tantric massage, I will try my best to introduce you to these different types of orgasms. 
 
 
Here are some videos I think are useful too: